Vintage
Something Different for Joomla
Page 1
|
This Page is under construction. Please be patient with the formatting... The Alabaster Box (Mark 14:1-9) She did it; she broke it, there was no turning back. The ointment was poured forth, diffused throughout the room. It was an offering of love and devotion to her Lord, It wasn't broken for show, only Jesus knew her heart. The good work has been done, but there's a lesson to learn: The alabaster box of my heart was broken one day. Dedicated to my Lord - fervent and sincere. The sacrifice was offered, well-pleasing to God. Thank You, Lord, for Your plan that includes even me. Mark 14:1-9 After two days was the feast of the passover, and of unleavened bread: and the chief priests and the scribes sought how they might take him by craft, and put him to death. 2 But they said, Not on the feast day, lest there be an uproar of the people. 3 And being in Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, as he sat at meat, there came a woman having an alabaster box of ointment of spikenard very precious; and she brake the box, and poured it on his head. 4 And there were some that had indignation within themselves, and said, Why was this waste of the ointment made? 5 For it might have been sold for more than three hundred pence, and have been given to the poor. And they murmured against her.6 And Jesus said, Let her alone; why trouble ye her? she hath wrought a good work on me. 7 For ye have the poor with you always, and whensoever ye will ye may do them good: but me ye have not always. 8 She hath done what she could: she is come aforehand to anoint my body to the burying. 9 Verily I say unto you, Wheresoever this gospel shall be preached throughout the whole world, this also that she hath done shall be spoken of for a memorial of her. ***************************************** A Mouse Story Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning: "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house !"The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it." The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers." The mouse turned to the cow and said "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose." So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap alone. That very night a sound was heard throughout the house - like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital, and she returned home with a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient. But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them the farmer butchered the pig. The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral that the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them. The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness. So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember - when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another. Each of us is a vital thread in another person's tapestry. Our lives are woven together for a reason. One of the best things to hold onto in this world is a friend. (Prov 17:17 KJV) A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (Prov 18:24 KJV) A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. ***************************************** Just one Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Christian school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. Someone had written a note and placed it next to the apples. It read, "Take only one, God is watching." Moving through the line, to the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One little boy wrote his own note and snuck it next to the cookies, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples." ***************************************** The Dynamite Dog A guy buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for 30 some thousand dollars and has a$400 monthly payment. He immediately gets a hold of his friend and they go do some male bonding. They go duck hunting, and all the lakes are frozen. These two Atomic Brains go to the lake with the guns, the dog, the beer and of course, the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake of ice and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. Remember, it's all ice and in order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck wants to fly down and land on, it is going to take a little more effort than a ice hole drill. Out of the back of the new Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40 second fuse. Now these two Rocket Scientists DO take into consideration that if they place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and the new Grand Cherokee), they take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the burning fuse and possibly going up in smoke with the resulting blast. So they decide to light this 40 second fuse and throw the dynamite, which is what they end up doing.
The book of Proverbs warns us: (Prov. 20:1 KJV) Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise. The book of Isaiah warns us: (Isa 5:11 KJV) Woe unto them that rise up early in the morning, that they may follow strong drink; that continue until night, till wine inflame them!
We can laugh at this article, but the Bible has a lot of warnings about people that drink alcohol.
*****************************************
Act 2:38
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" [Turn from your sin.] The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. Then the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a Scripture at you." "Scripture?" replied
***************************************** Paul, Barnabas, and Timothy Every man should seek to have three individuals in his life: a Paul, a Barnabas, and a Timothy. A Paul is an older man who is willing to mentor you, to build into your life. Not someone who's smarter or more gifted than you, but somebody who's been down the road. Somebody willing to share his strengths and weaknesses--everything he's learned in the laboratory of life. Somebody whose faith you'll want to imitate. A Barnabas is a soul brother, somebody who loves you but is not impressed by you. Somebody to whom you can be accountable. Somebody who's willing to keep you honest, who's willing to say, "Hey, man, you're neglecting your wife, and don't give me any guff!" A Timothy is a younger man into whose life you are building. For a model, read 1 and 2 Timothy. Here was Paul, the quintessential mentor, building into the life of his protege--affirming, encouraging, teaching, correcting, directing, praying. Do you have these three guys in your life? 1 Timothy 1:18-19 This charge I commit unto thee, son Timothy, according to the prophecies which went before on thee, that thou by them mightest war a good warfare; 19 Holding faith, and a good conscience; which some having put away concerning faith have made shipwreck: Read Acts 11.22-29 *****************************************
Morris calls his son in NY and says," Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don't want to discuss it. I'm merely telling you because you're my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I've made up my mind, I'm divorcing Mama." The son is shocked and asks his father to tell him what happened. "I don't want to get into it. My mind is made up." "But Dad, you just can't decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?" "It's too painful to talk about it. I only called because you're my son, and I thought you should know. I really don't want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain." "But where's Mama? Can I talk to her?" "No I don't want you to say anything to her about it. I haven't told her yet. Believe me it hasn't been easy. I've agonized over it for several days, and I've finally come to a decision. I have an appointment with the lawyer the day after tomorrow." "Dad, don't do anything rash. I'm going to take the first flight down. Promise me that you won't do anything until I get there." "Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Passover. I'll hold off seeing the lawyer until after the Seder. Call your sister in NJ and break the news to her. I just can't bear to talk about it anymore." A half hour later, Morris receives a call from his daughter who tells him that she and her brother were able to get tickets and that they and the children will be arriving in Florida the day after tomorrow. "Benny told me That you don't want to talk about it on the telephone, but promise me that you won't do anything until we both get there." Morris promises. After hanging up from his daughter, Morris turns to his wife and says, "Well Sahna, it worked this time, but what are we going to going to do next time to get them to come home for the holidays?" ***************************************** Nelson Mandela Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching the telly when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You sign! You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder. "You sign! You sign!" Nelson says to him, "Look mate, you've obviously got the wrong bloke. Push off", and shuts the door in his face. The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!" Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he shoves the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, push off ! You've got the wrong bloke! I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again. The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinaman thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting "You sign! You sign!" Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him; "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?" The little Chinese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says: "You not Nissan Maindealer?" ***************************************** NO EXCUSE SUNDAY I have been working with teens and young people for the last thirty years and have heard just about every excuse that a person can think of. I have decided to take away some of the excuses so they can make it to church. To make it possible for everyone to attend church next Sunday, we are going to have a special "No Excuse Sunday." Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep." We will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof will cave in if I ever come to church." Finally, the sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who have never seen the church without them.See you Sunday !!
Hebrews 10:25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching. ***************************************** To Close A young minister was preaching at a rural church and the front seat was not far from the front edge of the pulpit. He stepped around the podium to the front edge of the platform to quote Jesus and said, "I come ..." but forgot the rest of the quote. ***************************************** The Perfect Woman Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life was, of course, "perfect." One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a SUV) along a winding road when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along, delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor? The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus, and there is no such thing as a perfect man. So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was an accident. ***************************************** Baked Beans Once upon a time, there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day, she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later, her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country, she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. She still had miles to walk, so she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. She stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed 3 large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted and, upon arriving home, she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the telephone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contently to herself. She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday!!! ***************************************** Devil on the Loose A man on his way to a costume party dressed as the devil has some car problems on a country road and has to hoof it. As he walks past a little country church building the heavens open up with a deluge, so he ducks into the church for shelter.
****************************************************************
A Blonde Goes for a Job Interview A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. 'So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?' The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying 'Ehhhh... 22!' The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. 'And can you tell us your height, please?' This isn't looking good, so the interviewer goes for the real basics. 'And, ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name, please?' The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, 'Mandy!' The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, 'Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?' Ohh, that,' replies the blonde, 'I was just running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...' ********************************************** I am sick today
"I cannot go to school today," My mouth is wet, my throat is dry, And there's one more - that's seventeen! I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke. My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained, My neck is stiff, my spine is weak. My elbow's bent - my spine ain't straight. I have a hangnail, and my heart is...WHAT? ************************************** Dead Easter Bunny
A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too.
****************************************************************************
Thanksgiving Weather Forecast In the pre-Thanksgiving rush, we have received an early weather report from our in-house weather reporters.
|
